Just June. {A Journal of Pictures.}

"But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds of the air, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish of the sea inform you.  Which of all these does not know that the hand of the LORD has done this?" Job 12:7-9

Now it's the middle of July and this post I began in June is sitting here and I forgot all about it.

I love these memories of June. Course these pictures don't describe our June. They are just the times I have decided to document and hold special little places in my heart.

It wasn't nearly as hot as past Junes I remember. It was fast and furious though more than others. . .

I think that is because there are a lot of people in this family. Duh, maybe. I also think it's because our boys aren't so little anymore and they are becoming independent and working jobs and have minds of their own and this is good. I think it's because I have realized that I want to live life with the last four kids like I did with the first four kids. . . but my energy level isn't quite what I want it to be ~

It's high - still pretty high, but somehow I remember in my mid-twenties having a whole bunch more. Duh on that one too. 

I saw some old home movies with the kids not long ago and man, I'm glad life has a way of changing us.

I'm glad the past is like foreign countries - things are done different. There is a quote I read like that in a magazine but can't recall it exactly right now so that's some sort of paraphrase that's not near as good sounding. But point made. There is one thing I saw from the past I was reminded of though that I don't want to change: my all out, full throttle love of life with my husband and children.

I saw things I did with the first four when they were little and I was reminded, "Hey, I need to give my last four children those experiences too. . ." And I got all excited about this "second" little family of mine. Yeah, it's a bit different with three little girls here at the end of our family, but they still need me just the same way. I hope I'm a better mom then I was in the past. I hope I've learned things. I hope I'm wiser. Emphasis on the HOPE.

I want my children to LOVE nature from a young age. I use to think this just came naturally for all kids. . .

But just like about anything, our kids are pretty much guided to love and like what we do, or what we allow them to spend their time doing.

We direct, we give vision by how we live our lives and where we encourage their hearts and minds and little hands to do. I feel a desire, um, maybe even a responsibility? To encourage my children to discover, explore, have adventure - learn from the earth. From God and His creation. I'm grateful for how my parents took me hiking, camping, to the beach and the mountains and gave me many experiences out in nature. 

I love how getting out in nature encourages children to question.

They wonder.

They experiment. They find newness every single time.

They become tough too. They realize the world has challenges but they can beat them - they can do things they didn't know they could do - and this attitude prevails in other areas of their life. They learn to appreciate simplicity and little things. They understand quiet isn't bad and walking through a forest or just sitting by the rippling brook can soothe emotions.

They find in creation the Creator.

Try to suddenly take a child away from all the things children entertain themselves with today and they will find a creek bed or nature boring. Take a child who is raised out in the earth and they respect it, enjoy it, ask for it, explore it and want to see more. As parents we have a lot to do with what our children have an appetite for, what they find interesting and what they think is boring.

This nature-raising of children is not a call to raising kids country style, book uneducated or no tech in the world we live in. They need tech ed, books, schooling - they need all sorts of education, good education. But for me personally, I'd rather err on having a kid love nature then have my kid's face glued to some screen in his/her spare time. Maybe someday I will discover I was wrong. But for now I'm willing to risk that.

Water always makes for tired, hungry children. Lake usually finds a place to nap even before we head home.

One of the boys pointed this dragon fly out to me and it was kind enough to not move so I could get this shot.

Baby looks nearly bald unless you look close :)

Morgan has really gotten into flower arranging when we go to the creek. . .

She always wants me to take pictures of her creations. I think she's getting good.

 Last month we revisited a river I use to take the older ones to years ago. . . all the kids loved it.

It was a perfect place to introduce Baby to water and exploration. We all enjoyed seeing her fascination and joy. We taught her to kick her feet in the water and to not drink it. She was not one bit afraid and she was pretty upset when I pulled her out and had her sit out of the sun.

The weekend after Scott's birthday we got out on the lake a bit. I say a bit, but actually I pretty much spent hours in the lake water as official ski coach.

Talk about a work out! It was Christian's, Morgan's, and Bub's first time to ski so I would coach them to get them up then be left there in the water as they circled the cove. I took the opportunity to get lots of swimming in. I loved it. . . I slept hard that night.

I was so proud of the kids. All the children got up quick and had the time of their lives.

Bub was rather hilarious though, doing something we've never seen the others do when learning. . . he would ski sitting down on the back of the skis instead of stand up. He would go a long way just sitting down, but skiing right along! (I was left in the water when I would work with the little ones so I didn't get any shots of them.)

Christian, after his first time up, popped up quick on his own so I was able to ride in the boat and grab some shots. The older boys did awesome. Shelton is the little dare devil of course - doing tricks and skiing like he does it every single weekend - cutting back and forth, jumping the wake, etc. I think he is ready for slalom. Scott is a little less crazy - but just a little. Christian is solid and what I call a "marathon" skier. He just goes and goes straight in the middle behind the boat.

Heading out that Sat. afternoon on the water. Bub has snorkeling gear on. We had to break it to him that he didn't need it for skiing.

No, not our boat. Fun time with the older kids.

After skiing a few hours the kids tubed back to the docks. Love their expressions.

June birthday boy! Skiing was what he asked for for his 14th.

Christian was really too big for the little skis we have, but the adult skis were too heavy for him in the water. 

It didn't hold him back any. . .

Shelton~

Me showing the kids some slalom skiing. I really doubted whether I could get up on one ski (it wasn't a slalom-made ski either!) after treading water for the two previous hours coaching the kids! 

But I had so much cheering from the boat - I didn't dare disappoint. There is nothing like skiing behind a boat full of children cheering and clapping and waving at you!

Scott having a blast, me skiing, Christian can't quit smiling, and Scott spotting fish from the boat dock (he wanted his fishing pole!)

~

June 21st - Thursday - was Scott's 14th. Robert and I took him out for his special birthday date. Bass Pro was his selection of place to go and place to eat. We went for a fun movie and skipped dessert because we were all too tired! We had an awesome evening with him. I didn't document with many pics - partly because being with him is like being with an adult and we just had such a great time hanging out and discussing life. 

Scott bought a new pole with his b-day money.

One afternoon the little girls went to mom's and I took all the boys and their friends to the river. They had the greatest time at this water hole.

Scott has been training with a new coach this summer for soccer. He loves soccer {yes, that is how he broke his arm this past spring. But, as he will remind me, "We went undefeated so it was worth it!" I'm not so sure it was worth it, but whatever. His cast off in June and he has been working daily to strengthen it.}He came home the first lesson and said, "Before tonight I thought I knew how to play soccer. . ." I knew right then it was a great fit for him. I love how he is taking on the challenge and his improvement is obvious.

Exhausted and good workout - Picking up soccer balls after lesson.

Shooting on goal over and over and over again.

~

We had swim lessons in June for the younger ones. Morgan and Bub did more follow up on previous summer lessons. They are doing great now - under and above water swimming all the way across the long way of the pool. I still keep a close eye on them in deep water, but they've come a long way. Brighton caught on more this year then ever before. . . and let's just say Lake had a blast and swallowed lots of water because she couldn't quit laughing - she was so excited every single swim lesson. I've a feeling we have several more summers full of lessons before she catches on.  

At swim lessons. . .

~

June was a month for weddings. Two sweet cousins got married. I posted the pics of one of the wedding on my business site: http://kiddosphotos.xanga.com/ for those who like wedding photography.

I'm posting the below pic of the whole family not because it's a good pic but because we are all in it!  We had a great time seeing relatives and dancing the night away at the reception. My kids love to dance. . . probably because their parents do. Both weddings were just beautiful and lots of fun.

Lake waiting before the wedding on the church steps.

Itty and Morgan with my nephew.

The girls planning their attack. 

Great time at rehearsal dinner. . .

Getting all their energy out at the park before being in the wedding that evening.

~

Summer nights are always great for the rodeo. Itty gave her first try at the mutton bustin' (sheep riding) in June!

She had lots of support and competed against her brother and cousin. She has begged me to let her do it for a long time, but because she is pretty small for her age I tended to hold her back. She was a tough gal and did awesome. . . but didn't win herself a belt buckle on the first go. She hopes to ride a few more times before summer is up.

~

Of course life is always full of the normal, mundane things like lots of laundry and being tied up to the baby with a jump rope by my toddler.

Yep, still in work out clothes from the early morning, apron on from breakfast fixing, Lakelyn kept trying to tangle me all up. The camera was on the table and Morgan snapped this as it was happening! And that's just half of the pile of laundry put away that morning. Yes, Lake pretty much wears swimwear every single day. . . typically though with her pink cow girl hat and soccer socks though.

~

The boys created their own "Water World," as they call it. On the side of the deck they set up a slip and slide made of a big tarp, the little pool, buckets of water and all sorts of things. The younger ones think it's awesome. I caught them doing this as part of "Water World." Brave souls.

~

The same weekend as one of our June weddings, Shelton and Christian's flag football team had their super bowl game of the season (Christian walked up and told me to journal: "Won 57-8"). They rushed from the game straight to the wedding, coming just in time to get a seat and watch their little sisters throw rose petals down the aisle.

Their team placed first in the league. I loved seeing the boys be able to play on the same team in this spring/summer. All four boys will play on different teams this fall (two playing for their school in 7th and 8th grade, Christian on a Pop Warner league and Bub on a local league) and I will pretend that is not happening. . . until it happens lol!

I had someone message and ask, "How in the world do you afford to have that many children play sports or in lessons when your husband is a contractor, or something??"

That's kind of a personal question  but then I got to thinkin', "Why not answer it?" Several answers:

-Live in small house instead of large one. Make do with less and be totally cool with that because people are more important to pour into then places and things.

-Don't be a shopper. Pretty much don't buy anything unless it's necessary.

-Buy in bulk. Make inexpensive, simplistic but healthy meals. Don't buy organic lol!

-Discounts always come when you sign up more than one child in the same league. 

-Carry on a part time job along with full time mom job. Take personal photography income and spend it on sports/music/or travel experiences for the children.

-Have older boys help pay for their lessons. Amazing how this gives a child appreciation for what they experience.

-Have children learn a hard work ethic so that coaches want them on their teams.

*Trust God, pray and ask, and watch Him work. The kids have experienced what seemed "impossible" because they asked God and He answered. 

This is how it typically works for us. Sometimes the $ isn't there and you pull back and that's ok too. You do what you can responsibly and be content when it doesn't happen and grateful when it does.

Like anything in life - you make trades. And you trust God.

Along with that ~

Sports aren't to be an idol, or music lessons or whatever. Moderation is good, and right. It's been our experience that sports teach great life lessons and get out all that energy! It brings us together as a family and allows each child to get some spot light time of their own where we are all there cheering them on. It has given good fun amidst all the hard work that having a big family is.

~

The three older boys started their first "real" business in June. They have talked of this for literally years. They can't stand days they don't have work. Scott is the official "boss." This didn't go over real well at first because all three are extroverted guys who like to be in charge. Yep, three in a row. Sooo, it took some workin' through stuff {fights and tears}, figuring out who had what responsibility. Finally, to solve the issues that kept coming up I posted a sign for all to see that read this way:

Rules and Regulations for the Business:

          -Scott is leader. Responsibilities: 

Set up jobs on the phone and talk with clients, make sure price is fair and handle all money.

Work like a Turk.

Be a servant leader who seeks to bless those under him before himself. Discover how to work with people so that they want to work under you.

Direct jobs and make sure all are done 200%.

Tithe from business.

          -Shelton is employed. Responsibilities:

To ask Scott what and how things should be done.

Work like a Turk.

To give suggestions in kindness. Figure out how to make others want to hire you.

Make business successful through his attitude and work ethic.

Make sure the money is paid to him accurately.

Encourage Christian. Be his support group.

          -Christian is second employed. Responsibilities:

Follow and work hard. Realize that to be a leader one must learn to submit.

Accept that not being the boss is training for being a boss in the future.

Learn to show respect to leadership and find vision in making the business a success.

Diligently defy all laziness. 

          -I'm proud of you all. You are amazing!

After this vision was laid out and stuck in the hall we've had little confrontation and the boys have really taken it on. Course it helps that I added, "If anyone tries to fire the boss and take over, as mom of this house, I will have to fire them from the company." 

They save and save. Scott informed me the other day of a car he saw for sale and the great deal it was, going on and on about it - how he and Shelton should buy it and fix it up. I listened and sought to encourage in the best way I knew how, inside holding onto the assurance that I still have two [only] years before I really need to worry about Scott driving. wow.

After the discussion about the car, they asked me to please pick up a copy of the drivers manual and they would like to read it to each other as they go to sleep at night. ha!

Somedays - most days - they come home very dirty (but happy) from yard work. They always have lots of stories to tell.

Yesterday they said they found a frog that was huge. Shelton said, "Mom, it was like Santa Clause or something. Like it had wings. . ." Course he says this with such a smile in his eyes, hoping to pull a response out of me. Once Christian and Shelton came across the biggest snake ever and they say that Shelton was inches from it, almost landed on it and that it was poisonous. Shelton has an amazing ability to see things larger than life but I think this time it must have been for real because Christian usually sees things smaller than life and he said he saw it all and it truly was the biggest and most dangerous and Shelton was indeed inches from it. Christian said he literally jumped over it.

Independence and responsibility for these boys puts motherhood on a whole new level for me. I think it's just the beginning too. I'm happy for them. I want them to fly... er, over snakes and become men. At the same time I am seeing so clearly that raising children for yourself is the pit. We love best when we let go and not hold tightly. That's when they feel our love. At the same time, as parents we have responsibility still at this age. . . finding the balance, ensuring to them our love through letting go yet giving vision and discipleship. . . 

I have no desire to take that on in my own strength or by just following some man or woman-made philosophy on how it should be done.

Prayer is not useless.

~

 I love these shots of Itty swimming the creek. She is in love with snorkeling gear and discovering new things under water.

 After her exploration, she curled up in my Huntington Beach beach towel and took her afternoon nap. She seriously picked the one little spot under the tree that the sun was shining through. If angels were sweet little sleeping girls (which they aren't) I'm pretty sure she is one. 

 “Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts. There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature -- the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter.” ― Rachel Carson

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson 

“I like this place and could willingly waste my time in it.”― William Shakespeare 

“Earth and sky, woods and fields, lakes and rivers, the mountain and the sea, are excellent schoolmasters, and teach some of us more than we can ever learn from books.” ― John Lubbock

A. Ann 

Happy Birthday USA!

I just shot this a few minutes ago and loved it of Haven Baby! She loves watermelon!

We love the United States of America ~We have so much to be grateful for in regards to our nation!

Happy Freedom Day! Happy Birthday USA!

If the video doesn't work here just go up and click on "vidoes" up by resolved2worship top right.

I had some time this afternoon to get some of the videos on my camera off and onto computer today to make some dvds and came across some clips of the boys practicing and singing and just compiled them together for them here. The songs are "Forever Reign" by Hillsong and "Always Forever" by Phil Wickham. Quality isn't the best here, sorry! In some of the clips they are more serious and others just goofy! Love to hear them praise!

A. Ann

Good Morning. . .

There is a beautiful mist or clouds or something cool over the hills this morning and I cannot put into words how much I am reminded this morning that God is Bigger than anything you may be facing - any problems that you may have created yourself, or trials, relationships that are haunting or troublesome. He hasn't fallen off His throne. He knew we would carry burdens that is why He tells us, "Cast them on Him."

What a perfect love - to want us to cast them all on Him - because He can carry them. . . because He is bigger than our burdens; way, way bigger.

Life has been full and I am so grateful to God that He does not leave me alone. But spurs me on to freedom, continual - challenging my endless concerns and worries, or past and present circumstances and delighting in giving me a future of hope and promise. Do you want it? Do you want freedom in your spirit? To trust and rest in Him?

I do. I want to be lost in His freedom. My God is not dead, He is surely alive and I know He came to set the captives free - of which I was one.

He opens up eyes. He does marvelous things.

~

Robert and I were out on a date this past weekend and we were talking about how we met, how we got together 15-16 years ago now. There was a whole lot of yuck that surrounds our beginnings and in fact the first ten years of our marriage was shadowed by some very destructive people, beliefs, habits, immaturities, and idolatrous expectations. Without either set of parents, Robert and I would have never on our own chosen each other. Neither of us were what the other had been groomed to want and desire. And due to an wrong understanding for both of us of what it meant to live a sacrificial life, or to "obey God," or "honor parents desires/and or leading" we said, "I do." 

We hold the responsibility for our decisions we made, our hearts, and the false things we believed. The red flags and cautions we ignored. The idolatry in our hearts towards our parents and ourselves and certain ideas.

We have found freedom when we stop pointing fingers and say, "God, forgive me! Forgive us! Where can I change? Where can I humble myself and make my heart right before you? God, what decisions in the past did I make out of being controlled and influenced by fear where I made someone else on the throne of my heart over God?" 

OH, the GREAT wonder of our loving Father. He can and will use our own sin, sinful relationships, sinful people, the world full of sin (yes, sin shrouded in religion as well, which is the stickiest of all) to fulfill His purposes and plans. He can work for good what seems impossible to be redeemed. 

He is that big. He is that great.

And we can find freedom in asking His forgiveness - for in His goodness, He has forgiven! 

~

I'm not sure with all I could write during this short little pocket of time I have this morning - I am led to write this. . . God knows. The month of June has given me plenty of things I could be writing on. 

I rejoice this morning though in God's redemptive power that I do not deserve. We didn't do anything right at the start to have a loving marriage relationship today. We found Him when we fell apart. We found Him when we had nothing to bring but empty hands and nothing to prove. Our heartache has brought us to Jesus. 

How can we come to the end of ourselves if we believe ourself is doing it right?

How can we come to the end of ourselves if we are not willing to repent?

How can we come to the end of ourselves if we are blaming others?

The reason to me that God is so, so, so GOOD is that in a world that seems impossible - HE IS THE ONE HOPE. The ONE voice that is a Banner of Love.

~

My life is Your's, God. The only way I can bring Your love to the world is if I understand how undeserving I am of that love - yet at the same time do not dwell on that undeserving-ness but dwell on the amazingness of how it is the underserving like me You came to save!

If we are raising children in isolated little homes where their little life is all protected and we direct their every move, relationships, life to ensure they have no pain. . .

We will never touch the world. They will never touch the world. And we wonder why - we wonder why when pain hits we question God, or our children when they are grown question God?

Because comfort, lack of suffering is god. The idol is self-love. Self emotional preservation. We don't understand this world isn't our home and wasn't meant to be. We don't understand suffering, sin, or our own hearts. Or the heart of God.

Praise God we don't have to remain there! That is why the cross! That is why He says, "Cast your burdens!" Because we will have them, we may even bring them upon ourselves. . . burdens will not be avoided if you are His child -- if there is not storms in your little world, you can never understand the goodness of sunshine and His Son will not shine through you.

 ~

I embrace this day in the radiance of the bigness of God! I embrace it knowing He is bigger than my own little world. He loves me! He loves my husband and my children and I see that through how He uses the endless testings to bring us to the end of ourselves and into His loving arms that are gloriously capable of carrying ALL burdens.

Place them there today. Walk in that freedom. Float. Joy! - where in I find grace to give to these children all around me.

Robert and I are not the same people we were when we met - not one tiny little bit. We aren't the same people we were five years ago. We aren't the same people we were one year ago. And grateful to God's goodness, even just after the month of June now passed and what God is doing, we are not the same people we were just a month ago. He has rescued and is rescuing. To think that one day, I will be made whole - to be like Him, scars removed and I will see Him face to face.

I know it will just me standing before my Maker - it won't be me and my children, not me and my husband. Just me and God.

Part of me wants to be there standing hand in hand with Robert though because we want to see His face and thank Him as a couple. We feel one. To give Him all the glory and honor due Him for His great mercy He is pouring out.

~

Haven is growing up way too fast this summer!

Two bottom teeth and taking baby steps all alone - how does it happen so fast?

Robert and I refer to her as our "bonus baby." 

 One afternoon on the creek . . .

After playing with the boys for a bit Morgan joined me on the blanket and we created flower bouquets and leaf garlands. We floated the bouquets down the creek before leaving that day.

June had some delightful weddings to attend which had us both day dreaming about ideas we would do if a bride was to marry at our creek spot. 

One beautiful evening with the children over this past weekend. . .

 I hope to post June times soon. Scott turned 14! And we had some special family times I don't want to forget.

A. Ann 

Sustainer. {and just life, verses, birthdays...}

I shot a wedding over the weekend. I had said no to weddings this year and then after the first 13 I was asked to shoot, in seriously probably the first few months of this year, I wondered if I should have picked this year to say no to outside work after all! Seems everyone is getting married and that's exciting!

No, I'm sure this was the year to not do outside work. My hands are completely full. Running over full!

But a sweet cousin of mine married this past weekend and last minute I said yes. I really wanted to be able to help her out. Shelton was my right hand man for the job. So great having him along! He has a super artistic eye.

So I got home 'round midnight last night. Drove through a horrid rain storm. If you've shot a wedding you know what kind of exhaustion I'm talking about. The type where your feet ache, legs are about to fall off, brain is dead and eyelids feel like they are one continuous camera shutter. Your knees feel broken and you can't remember your name. I crashed after nursing the baby for an hour - think I crawled into bed 'bout 1am. I could hardly move.

The night was short and children were up and needy for mommy around seven, or earlier. Everyone was loaded up and out the door by 8:45 for older boys to be dropped off at football camp at the highschool. Before we left though I had just gotten all the little girls dressed all sweet and I'd moved to the laundry room to put in another load. . . the little girls had gone outside. I'd forgotten all about the bowl of side walk chalk left out. Someone got the idea that it would be cool to make the chalk into powder. And sprinkle it, and smear it, all over their clean little selves.

Yep, all had to be hosed down and redressed (four kids included in that mess). And no, I didn't come out the door seeing them all covered like that with, "Well, aren't y'all cute!" I was more like, "Oh-my-word-what-in-the-world!"

So, from football it was a few errands and then to swim lessons for the four who had gotten into the chalk.

Robert did something beyond amazing today. He hired a cleaning lady.

I felt sorry for her. Our home with me away over the weekend? Are you kidding me?

I was driving home from swim to pick up a gymnastic suit for Brighton before heading to the next event and it dawned on me I was coming home to a clean house and I just couldn't help myself from screaming outloud as I drove, "Ahh! Thank You, God, for the cleaning lady coming today! Ahh! Help is awesome! I love you Robert!" Yea, I was a bit giddy.

Then to Brighton's first gymnastics class - to which we were nearly 20 minutes late for, but nevertheless, what was left of it she was thrilled about. She is tiny and she is flexible so we thought we'd give it a go this summer and see if it's her thing. The hardest part apart her gym lesson was watching Lakelyn. She felt extremely left out of the deal and I spent the 40 minutes I was there keeping her from crawling over the dividing wall between the watching area and the activity area repeating the same answer to her question, "I know you had a birthday, Baby, but you still have to wait another year or so before you can go to class with Brighton."

Well, that and running her back and forth to the restroom because she still doesn't quite get this potty stuff down yet.

From gym it was back home to put away ALREADY FOLDED laundry. Thank you, cleaning lady. Then we loaded back up again to take Shelton to meet up with a friend to travel to wide receiver camp for the evening. On the way the car broke down on the highway just as I was about to exit. Not in a cool place either. That whole ordeal lasted quite a while. I was able to get the car into a parking lot, run to an ATM and get the money for Shelton to take, get him to his ride -- car still stranded, grateful for a son who is 14 this week and is more responsible then most 20 year olds or I would have never made it out of that mess! 

We had to get Bub and Morgan to summer workout camp up at another field by 6:30 though and now I was without a car and no way to reach Robert (he and Christian were working a job where he couldn't carry his phone today) so I did what I hate to do (because I'm far too independent) but so glad I can do in time of need. . . and called my parents. Long story short, I was able to get mom's car, drop mom back off at her place, and then head out for the sports field and got there just in time for the kids to start their workout.

I spent the evening on the field trying to keep up with three energetic little girls. I was sat on, scratched on, hair pulled, clothing scrunched all over me - you moms know what I'm talking about.

Ever get to the end of your day and you feel like you've been pretty much torn apart? Not because the little ones mean to but they are just all over you all the time and you have milk and water bottles spilled on you, poop and who knows what else here and there, hair matted, flip-flops broken, no make-up on - um, did my hair or teeth get brushed?

Little hands always grabbing and needing and wanting and squeezing and pulling and hugging and smooching and smearing and tearing and ripping and sitting and standing, and climbing all over you? Multiply that by several at the same time?

Smile.

Tonight I sit here alone and just writing those lines I can feel it again, as if they are still on me. . . because I am just so use to it. I get to the end of my day with bruises and scratches and don't have a clue when and how they happened. I love them and I love it, this time like this - but I'm human of course and there are times where I just grit it out, bare down, fight through, swallow that scream I'd like to yell when my last hairs feel like they've been pulled from my head and every single scale of skin has been pulled at or stretched or scratched.

Haha, I feel used! -- as a jungle gym, feed machine, and you name it.

Home by 8:30 tonight, a near empty frig to come up with dinner from, tired kids, tired husband. . .

But a clean house.

Wow.

And I ache all over. My eye is still fluttering strangely after shooting 4000 pics over the weekend. I am in denial just now about all the time I do not have to edit those 4000 pictures and reminded why I do not do wedding anymore.

Everyone is fed and showered. Morgan accidently swallowed some shampoo when washing her hair and has been pretty upset about the taste all night long. I've tried just about everything in the kitchen to try to get the taste out of her mouth. Lots of water and teeth brushing and mouth wash even. Baby of course had to be fed before putting down. Shelton came home late with tales of wide receiving. Scott worked hard this evening on his business card design. He repeatedly asks me to come do an "artistic edit," as he calls it. Christian got cleaned up after a long hard days work with Robert. Lakelyn tried on lots of high heels tonight and Brighton was into combing her hair.

Yep, even at the table there was a comb. I noticed it . . . and other stuff too that so shouldn't be on the table.

I know, some might not understand this, and even just a few years ago, a few kids ago, I might not have understood it either - but things that use to be a big deal just aren't anymore. You just live life differently when you have a big family. Or at least we do. Life around here has less rules then it use to. Things get simpler in that way. You pick your battles. There are so many battles all around me that in the super long list of the battles that must be fought, I kind of see combs at the table somewhere nowhere near the top of the list.

And I fixed French Toast from sour dough bread - dipped in fresh hen eggs (so kindly given) blended with raw cows milk (that Robert has taken a liking too and picks up on his way out of town). With the left over eggs I made omelets: tomatoes, cheese and peppers folded with this yummy garlic seasoning stuff that I just pulled from the shelf and splattered all over. We had fruit topping and honey on our Fresh toast.  Sounds great just now, but I can't remember eating very much.

We had togetherness and craziness. It is so loud at meal time. I'm pretty sure my average sit down time at supper meal is 3 minutes.

Robert comes in after a long day - nothing like my kind of day, but nevertheless, long, hard work day. We both physically put out so much and when we finally see each other at the end of the day we fall into each others arms, usually standing out in the middle of the drive way because as soon as I see his truck coming I go out the front door as quietly as I can get out so that I am the first one to get to him. . . and we just hold there kind of leaning on each other to give the balance in the middle to make us both still stay standing. We're both dirty and smelly and tired. But full of gratefulness; of hope.

Typically it doesn't take long for kids to join in, and then pulling and calling they want daddy to see this or to hear that. We work together to make things happen, for meals to happen, for life to happen. . . for love to happen.

For this home to be a place where we all long to be.

~
I should be in bed, and that's where I am going. I can only hear the crickets outside now. I will fall asleep as soon as I hit the pillow.

How thankful I am for that pillow, the clean sheets, the bed, the AC on, for a husband who did half the dishes tonight at the sink before helping Shelton get in tonight.

I hurt all over and I am only 34 and I could have never imagined in a million years I would be living the life I am today.

There could be no way in the world to describe my days. Not for real. My life. No writing would really explain, at least not my limited skill at writing. There is a part of my day though that I cannot leave out because it's really all that I remember the most at the end of the day and that's this:

My day, from the first waking breath until now, one minute from midnight ~ it cannot be survived in peace or joy or surrender, or for that matter, the grit needed to fight in order to get things accomplished ~ without a constant Companion whom I can continually and always call out to for guidance, strength, help, and comfort.

In my early feeding of the baby this morning I read the following:

"...Who is a God like You, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of His inheritance? He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in steadfast love. He will again have compassion on us. . .You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea. . ." Micah 7:18-20

With this kind of promise to start my day I can go forth knowing that God - GOD, WHO DELIGHTS IN STEADFAST LOVE - will see me through to the end. A God who pardons my sin, He will give me grace to live this day for Him. In every circumstance, whether it be chalk covered kids seconds before needing to leave, whether it be broken down car right before I need to be somewhere, whether it be dirty diapers and kids hanging all over me in 100 degree heat hours on end, whether it be 9pm supper. . . I can take this fallen and broken world full of it's suffering (whether it be big or small) and carry those burdens to Him.

He is my Sustainer. In my neediness I come and I find refuge in Him. . .

And excitement for the next day to begin!

~

Our May baby girls! Oh, they sure keep me on my toes right now but I love them like crazy!

Here is Brighton waiting and watching for Robert to come home that evening for us to go on her birthday date!

She is wearing magnet earrings on her ears because she wanted to get her ears pierced on her 5th birthday that night out with us. . .

I thought this might allow her to see if it was something she really wanted or was it just because Morgan had earrings?

She assured me she was quite sure she was ready to take care of her ears and earrings now that she was 5. She has done marvelously.

He arrives!

Itty and me on her birthday ~

My absolute miracle baby! This verse comes to mind when I think of her pregnancy and birth:

“I sought the LORD, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4

Fear of man, fear of death, fear of loss. Fear of not knowing and not controlling.

Brighton loves all things beautiful! It was important to her what I wore on her birthday date. I found 

this pretty special actually. She went to my closet and wanted to pick out the shoes and outfit I was to wear on her date out with 

us. She picked the fancy feather shoes that Robert got me for Valentines. They are really way to pretty of a shoe for my feet.

Her choice of activity was to get her ears pierced and shop.

She loves all things girly and feminine. Love it!

What a wonderful shopping daddy that night of her birthday! (so patient!) She selected the Cheese Cake Factory for her 

place of dinner. Her stomach wasn't nearly as big as her eyes that night.

Brighton claims these girls as her "bestest friends."

I always like for the birthday shoot to be radiant of who they are. These little red ballet slippers where

the gift I bought for her for her birthday. They reminded me of her so much. She adores them.

One Sunday afternoon in May I took Brighton out for just an hour and we had fun shooting these pictures at a farm nearby.

This little dress is one she picked off the sales rack at Target last year. I added some trim from my 

sewing box to give it a little more fun. The lighting in the well house middle afternoon was so warm and pretty.

Love this little dress too - a Hannahkate pattern and fabric. It's reversible and she loves wearing these jumpers all the time.

This little outfit was a steal of a deal at Burlington Coat Factory for I think just a little over $5.

Add the sash and again Target's shoe sale last Feb. ($2.99!) and an old lunch box and a pretty cool well house. . .

This laid back feel in these pics is so her.

And this is the yellow dress. On her birthday date this is the gift she picked out during our shopping time.

She is very proud of her yellow dress.

She is quiet, contented, deep, extremely sensitive to spiritual things. She loves to love. And please. She loves to hug and kiss and be close.

She sees beauty in everything. She's like a little bird, or a flower, or sunshine - or blue sky or the ocean. She is a constant reminder to me of God's 

compassion and mercy. . . and unconditional love.

Lastly, a blue dress that was her cousin Tiffany's and then passed to Morgan and now hers. I love her sun blotched skin.

She thought these pictures were pretty much the best dress up party ever. Just for her.

 And Lake! THREE! Hard to believe.

If you've read the blog long enough you know she was our anniversary baby girl - born on our 12th anniversary.

When she was born Robert and I decided from that day on we would celebrate her birthday May 31st and celebrate our anniversary at a different time.

Here she waits in our room by the window waiting for daddy to arrive so we can go on her special date together!

And off we go! We kept asking her what she wanted to do on her special date with us and she replied over and over:

"I want to go to Papa and Alma's! ! !" (my parents)

So we did just that. We drove her over there and she was happy! She loves it there so much. 

She swung on the swings, talked with my mom, ate a lollipop, and walked round and round.

I love that the simplest things make her smile. She is very easy to please.

Then we took her out to eat and for ice cream. She talked our heads off the whole night long.

See the bag she is carrying? She carried it everywhere we took her that night. Inside was 6 pairs of underwear, ballet shoes,

and three pairs of plastic high heels. She interchanged the shoes all night long.

She picked out a little Tinker Bell toy at Walmart as her gift.

It was sometime first week of June I think before I took some shots of her for birthday #3.

She is my very most dressy-up girl of them all so far. If I let her she would change clothes

at least 100 times a day. Sometimes I do let her because it just makes her so happy. . .

And keeps her from flushing the tooth brushes down the toilet or some other random toddler enjoyment.

Here she is with a hat my grandmother sent my way recently, a little white dress I made for Morgan when 

she was a baby and a brown dress I can't remember where in the world it came from. She is a brownie. She has amazing skin.

The blue dress is one of her favs, a use-to-be Brighton dress - the antlers she picked up out of the barn and promptly stuck on her head.

My girls have all had a slow start at the hair growing thing just like I did when I was little. Lake is happy her's is finally "long like Morgan's!"

I love these two shots above - she is one of our kiddos that depending on the second, at one moment I see so much of her

daddy in her, and then the very next, I see me.

She has no fear. She loves people, all people, all the time. She laughs loud, talks loud, lives loud. Everything is passionate, conviction, fun.

She is wild and free, imaginative. She's an explorer, hungry for friendships - and parties! She quotes her Bible verses with gusto and sings

like there's no tomorrow. She is like chocolate, and mountain tops, and adventure. She makes me laugh - so she's like a good medicine.

And she is a face maker! ! ! drama queen to the max.

(She is my exercise many days too! She is amazingly exhausting!)

It was Lake's idea that they "fly together." Weight lifting is just part of a momma's job description?

 ~

And I want to end with some awesome encouragement! And Praise to God for 15 years of marriage. . .

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36

Rest in Christ and not the laws of man.

“Now then, why do you try to test God by putting on the necks of the disciples a yoke that neither we nor our fathers have been able to bear?” Acts 15:10

“For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15

“We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us.” 2 Corinthians 1:10

“In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and He answered by setting me free.” Psalm 118:5

“Since the children [are human], He too shared in their humanity so that by His death He might destroy Him who holds the power of death– that is, the devil — and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.” Hebrews 2:14-15

“For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance– now that He has died as a ransom to set them free…” Hebrews 9:15

“But the Scripture imprisoned everything under sin, so that the promise by faith in Jesus Christ might be given to those who believe.” Galatians 3:22

“The Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials.” 2 Peter 2:9

“Many are saying of me, “God will not deliver him.” But you are a shield around me, O LORD…From the LORD comes deliverance. Psalm 3:2-3, 8

“When they cry out to the LORD because of their oppressors He will send them a Savior and Defender, and He will rescue them.” Isaiah 19:20

~

“But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. You have been set from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.” Romans 6:17-18

“Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.” Psalm 50:15

“But for you who revere My name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall.” Malachi 4:2

“Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” Galatians 1:3-5

And these verses have guided, freed and given us hope! They have sustained us through our marriage, particularly the last five years - when these verses have become more to us then just mere knowledge in our head, but God has allowed circumstances - where which they have been driven deeper into our hearts and set our hearts afire to live out these verses, understand them, and give them to others.

In celebration of our 15th anniversary ~ at the lake on a date, last week of May:

A. Ann

{all photography copyright resolved2worship and may only be used with permission. Thanks}

Summer Bliss.

Amidst the crazy, there are always moments of bliss. I love those moments. I make myself remember them, keep them close to my heart.

To all the moms out there ~

Keep on. Love them deeply, yet keep contented in your heart that He alone can fulfill emptiness. . . motherhood is grand, demanding as it may be. There is bliss to be found all over the place no matter how taxing your responsibilities are. You may feel like you can't do it - probably because like me, you really can't. But He can. Let our neediness draw us into Him and may we cling there. Coming to realize that all the while, though we may feel we hardly hang on, He has been holding us dear, tight, loving us - wanting to pour love through us onto the children He has given.

We are missionaries. In my opinion, the greatest kind.

Bike ride with the kids ~ baby naps, love how she is holding onto the handle bar with one hand.

Early morning walk with Lake.

1 Chronicles 16:11  

"Seek the LORD and His strength;  seek His presence continually!"

A. Ann