I've got Bub right behind my ear playing with some legos, "Ahh! He almost died but he didn't because now the car is flying across the Grand River. . ." he says.

Morgan is reading aloud on the couch not far away. I hear the baby rocker music playing in circles as Haven sleeps soundly. Brighton's head is resting on my right arm. She says to me often, "Mom, I just love you. I hope you don't get lost or something." I hope I don't get lost either.

One boy is working hard at homework across the room here. . . I hear two other boys talking as they do dishes, dishes I didn't ask them to do. I am grateful.

It's been a strange time of sorts. Busy as always, sleepless mostly (baby has decided to make night her up time the past two weeks). There has been all kinds of sickness that's come through. Tonight I sat the kiddos down for pancakes and I take a look to my right to see Lake covered in some kind of rash/bumps in patches all over. What now? Some here claim she was seen around some poison oak in the yard. I didn't even know we had any in the yard.

So, she had a baking soda bath and she thought it was lovely. It is looking better already.

Right now she is putting her little Mary Jane shoes inside of Scott's so she can walk around in his shoes without them falling off. She is smart. . . and cute.

~

Tuesday I had a wonderful surprise ~ Robert gave me a half day at a spa/plus lunch and watched the children. I was so excited - the last time I'd done something like that was when Brighton was a baby. My toes and fingers are still painted a pretty pink, but well worn. The facial felt wonderful. I got tickled that the woman said, "You look like a California girl to me." I wondered exactly what she meant by that but didn't ask. Just told her she was right, that I was.

The massage was nice, but the lady kept telling me to relax. That I was tight. That I was stressed. That I had knots. Relax.

I didn't reply really. I thought I was relaxed. In fact, I think I was mostly asleep.

All that relaxing didn't prove to have the most relaxing results. Within a few hours of leaving I came down with a high fever, chills/on and off cold sweat, headache/body ache and remained that way for a few days. I mean, I was really hard up and very sick. At first I thought I'd come down with the flu, but since no one else here had the same thing going on, I have since thought it was some sort of toxic release into my body due to the deep massages and facial. With a little reading and talking with others this is my conclusion.

I am still not myself, but I am regaining my appetite and I feel I've drunk more water in the last few days than I have in the last month. Like I said, strange week. Bed wasn't much of an option, nor time to take out for much rest despite my condition. Robert was under the weather for an entirely different thing, and several have been battling colds so I have been trying to keep things going.

Relax? Trust me, I'm not anxious to see if a massage will help.

I am not feeling stressed, just on the tired side really though. But you know, that's just life. 

When I was in highschool my dad had us gettin' up pretty early. Some of those years he had us getting up and first thing on the schedule was exercise. Hard exercise. Man, we were tired because after all, my sister and I weren't disciplined at going to sleep early at night. That was no reason for dad to think we needed to sleep in though. One time my sister and I asked him about all that gettin' up early stuff. Kindly, he replied, "Get use to living life tired."

And I did.

I always remember that line he'd give. It came to my mind several times this past week. I'd smile and keep on keeping on. Thanks, Dad - best preparation ever for motherhood. . . but, do you think since once becoming a mother there was going to be late nights and early mornings and living life tired. . . that maybe in highschool we could have just slept after all?

~

I guess I'm writing a lot of just the reality stuff here tonight. Isn't it that kind of stuff though that just clarifies how crucial relationship with Jesus is?

To keep walking on, press on?

 “Give up,” I will hear somewhere inside. Then Hope whispers, “Keep going."
"Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did." (Newt G.)

Ah, yes, that is one cool thing about motherhood - one has a great opportunity to find out what perseverance really is. Some weeks the opportunity is really there.

A. Ann