And this is January. Have to love our warm days.
Morgan with one of the boys radios. When they made it across the river to explore she had to
stay back with me. She would have rather jumped in the freezing water with them, but talking
back and forth about what they were finding was fun too.
We live on a hill. No flat places near except our deck. Shelton got a skateboard with his own $.
I could write a number of stories concerning this, but I won't.
I love Brighton's sweet ways with Haven. She speaks in a really high voice when she talks to her.
I love Haven's ears. Morgan says that is what makes her look like a little elf. I love to kiss them.
Baby is adorably ticklish.
Waking up to this little darling is too wonderful. She is always so content when she wakes.
She is always happy to be with people. Good thing, since she's one of ten around here. We love
how she smiles with her WHOLE face. When I look at this picture I wonder why I don't wake up
the same way. . . after all, there is so much to love about life.
Something pretty to keep her head warm - she's not got much hair at all, the little she has is
falling out pretty fast. . . she is by far the fairest baby we've ever had. She looks snow white
next to my dark skin - and even more so next to some of her siblings who have even darker olive skin.
Babies don't stay babies very long. She is already rolling all over the place, no longer to be left
on the bed alone without pillows on all sides. She loves to "sing" when we sing to her, opening
wide her mouth and making coos back at us.
"Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new."
Ursula K. Le Guin
I like this quote.
Three of the boys have started basketball now, my die hard football player opted out of basketball and is playing on a flag football team this winter. Talk about cold football practices some nights! Christian doesn't seem to care. Bub has me tickled just watching him play basketball. Good medicine for me, good work-out for him.
I remember how my parents sacrificed for me to be able to participate in sports and I'm very grateful.
Sporting events prepared me for what I am doing today and sometimes it really helps me to see mothering like a sporting event. . . but these days maybe even more so like coaching.
I've watched a lot of coaching through my mothering years - I've had lots of kids playing lots of sports. My dad was a public school and private school coach back years ago - spent my time watching him too. Then of course all the coaches I had growing up, and my sibling's coaches. . .
I find myself "coaching" the kids even before they get out of the car to be coached by their sports coach:
"Don't be a poor loser, don't be a snobby winner."
Good lesson for all of life, right?
"Winning is what we aim for but sports are not just about winning, it's about learning about life. . .friendship, hard work, good attitudes, not giving up, concentration and focus, respect of others. . . give 100%, guys."
"You must practice if you want what you are shooting for - in sports, school, ANYTHING."
Maybe a better mom would add, "Be safe!"
But, I guess I'm just not that kind of mom.
In all my coach observance I've learned there are some major applications to motherhood - "coaching" the team I have right here at home.
* Good coaches focus on everyone, not just a few players. They are all about teamwork, not a one man team.
As moms we've got to keep it that way in the home. Let everyone know they are team players, and TEACH them all to be team players.
* Good coaches don't put players down or yell in anger, bringing down self-esteem or causing bitterness. Yet, a good coach pushes you to your limit. Being upset at someone doesn't motivate them to truly be a better player. Playing out of a fear of the coach (or parent) doesn't make a better person.
* A good coach needs to have just as much heart as the players. In otherwords, as moms we can't be hypocrites. We tell the kids to do something, act one way, play one way -- then we better too.
* "Hello, are we having fun yet?" -- good coaches keep this in mind. So should moms.
* Keep winning in perspective. There is more to life then winning. But always play to win.
* Good coaches find out what the goals are of the players. Good coaches listen to the hearts of the players. One of Shelton's coaches last year had a paper for the boys to fill out at the beginning of the season. It asked them about themselves. It was the coach's way of learning about his players. One of the questions was to write down what their goals were for that season. What their dreams were.
Motherhood means getting to the hearts. Asking, talking, discussing dreams. Letting them know we want to see them achieve their dreams.
As far as sports and skills go? We need to ask, "Is it their dream, or my dream?" Find out what their dream is and get behind it 110%.
Even if it's cake-baking or hang-gliding. Or cake-baking while hang-gliding.
Sewing or painting?
Or skateboarding down hills. Buy stock in head protection.
* We are to be motivators. Which means we need to stay motivated ourselves. Surfing the net doesn't make our kids motivated. Or shopping all the time. Or whatever. Stay motivated as a parent. Motivated to live life with eternal purpose, and take the kids along for the adventure!
* A good coach - and mom - encourages short term memory! Yep, sure does.
This means not to dwell on mistakes. Mistakes are okay. They happen at every level of play, and every single day. Good coaches teach players that they will become a better player if they learn from their mistakes. Putting mistakes in the past and moving on is important. In life, and in any game.
As a mom, we can't always "coach" our kids on what to do WHILE the game is being played - in other words, we must prepare them for things that they are going to face before hand, not wait until they face them to coach them on what to do. . .
The time to coach is at practice, not wait until the game. So it is with motherhood. . . the time to teach is at home, not after they've already walked out into the world or are "in the game," so to speak.
Here is the way one coach put it:
"Coach a team before the game, don't wait until the game! If you must coach during a game, do it during a stoppage of play, preferably in private. Interact with the player; ask them if they know what they did wrong. When they acknowledge it, say "alright, now let's go get 'em," or something similar with positive reinforcement."
I think as a mother we need to "coach" in the same way.
It's kind of like this:
The time for training a child to sit through church or behave in a restaurant is not at church or when you go to the restaurant. It's pretty much too late then.
The training is done at home so that when it comes time to be "in the game" - the coaching can be minimal. And like anything, stuff like this takes practice. Kids don't get it on the first "game" any more than they understand behaving in a restaurant if you don't have them practicing good behavior at home.
Remember though that never playing the "game" doesn't make for a winner, whether they have it all down right or not. Practice before hand, keep expectations where they should be, prepare them for the "game" and then go out aiming to win, but respond correctly if it's a disaster.
When I see one of my children "making mistakes," so to speak, in the game - in life - I am alerted to what needs to take place back at home, what needs to be covered in "practice." Good coaches prepare their players for what they may face on the field/court.
I need to do the same for my children. This means I've got to be on top of the game and know the opposition!
The opposition my children will face in life is huge. It's out to beat them. The coaching they get can make all the difference in the world. And that last sentence has two meanings.
* Another thing I've learned from coach observation (either because they did do this or didn't!):
A leader is invaluable to a coach. I desire to raise leaders. Now, some kids are born that way naturally, others not so much. But leadership is to be encouraged, taught and rewarded. This is one way as moms we can change the world through our children. Our job is major league.
* Enthusiasm is a good coach quality. For moms too.
* Favoritism doesn't work well for developing a team spirit on a team or at home. Everyone loses heart except the favored. It's kind of like in football when a team has what we call "Daddy ball." It's when the coaches only play their sons. Everyone else just wants to give up.
* It's a good thing if coaches just really like young people. Not a bad idea for moms either.
* Patience. Makes a good coach, and a good mom.
* A good coach finds the best in each player.
A good coach learns each players strengths and weaknesses. Probably a good idea for a coach to know the players braintype/or personality type. Remembering that all players are different and need to be coached differently according to how God made them to think and respond. Yep, same for us moms with our children if we are going to live with them in an understanding way that does not exasperate them.
I am super grateful for the coaches who have been so awesome with my kids. They've had some great ones along the way. Ones that they will remember their whole life through. I appreciate the time, devotion, and wisdom these different ones have given. They have helped shape their life for the good.
The boys have some great ones even now who are pushing them to their limits and challenging them to be the best they can be. It's wonderful to have these types of people in their lives.
I haven't spent my time just studying coaches as my kids have played sports lol!
But I have observed some things through all these years that have really sunk into my heart and effected the way I work with my children. I've learned a lot through the good coaches, and the not so good. So have my kids.
I've seen how a coach can either make my child love the game, or hate it.
I am Mom, yes, but also kind of like a coach right now for my children in the event of life.
I have a lot to do with whether they love it, or hate it. Whether they aim to win, or really don't care.
| ||Posted 1/13/2012 5:29 PM - 1202 Views|