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Yes, in a nostalgic, wistful sort of way I guess I could say I might miss the "little" years. He was a happy, easy baby. He nursed well, slept well, hardly ever cried, smiled all the time. He had the roundest bald head until his white-blonde hair started coming through. . .
I remember when he was little thinking, "Who does he look like anyway?" You know, that new mom thing where everyone is telling you who your baby looks "just like" and yet you look at your baby and silently think, "Uh, I don't think so."
But then I would look at each little detail and see ~ oh, his eyes are shaped like Robert's family, his eye brows are my dad's, his eye lashes are like my mom's, his eye color like Robert's, his skin color like mine, and then sometimes I would see bits of my sister, or one of Robert's siblings ~ it was like he had a little piece of everyone.
But a better disposition than any of us!
He made me think parenting wasn't hard. From day one Scott wanted to please, and I made him do those silly little hand signals (baby sign language) for things he wanted way before he could talk. He had to do things I never did with the others.
He waved at everyone, loved hugs and kisses and rolling around on the floor with his daddy. He played just like I thought a little boy would. Loved sports, mud, being with the men, and eating lots of food.
The only thing unlike the men in his life? He didn't mind me taking pictures of him from the minute he was born. He even thought that was fun.
He welcomed every sibling that came after him with open arms and acceptance, as if he was thrilled for one more to play with. . . or maybe it was more like. . . lead?
We expected too much of him as a first born. We thought he should sit through hours of church at the age of one and a half. We thought he should read at three, carry on adult conversations without error by four, and have the table manners of a perfect southern gentleman.
Poor boy. But he never seemed to see it that way. It was like he just knew what to do and did it - or surpassed it.
In time, with age, maturity, more children, and experience - we lightened up. Thank goodness.
We stopped reading all the parenting books and doing all the stuff well meaning (but nosy!) folks told us we should be doing with our child and discovered we weren't wanting to just be performance based parents. It wasn't about us. It was about him. Like most first borns, he had to put up with our trial and error.
He still does, as he is now our first teenager.
For all our learning as we go as parents - and despite us - Scott is an amazing person. I am often humbled and in awe of his maturity, his outstanding work ethic, his love for others, heart for the needy or hurting, his respect for his dad and me, his incredible leadership gifting, and his ability to take whatever circumstance comes at him and not just survive, but thrive.
Daily I see him lay down his desires, his time, his sleep, his comfort, and his way for his brothers and sisters. And completely unasked and unbegrudgingly.
I marvel at his devotion to prayer. I am challenged by his humility to be honest with himself. He is not afraid to be wrong, face his weaknesses, ask forgiveness, or let us know he just doesn't know what to do. He takes responsibility for things. He is hungry to know God and to be known by God.
His personality is interesting for me to observe. He has such a great mix of taking life seriously and yet has such a crazy fun side as well. Whatever he puts his hand or mind to do, he does it with all his might. He settles for nothing under straight A's, perfect pitch, a job well done, a race won, a game well played. . . and successful fishing trips. At the same time, he is not the "perfectionist" type personality that one might think. He is very light hearted and laughs more than the rest of us combined.
This year it dawned on me that Scott can pretty much single handedly run this family. He can pretty much do everything but drive - and even that I'm sure he could if it were legal.
I haven't looked to him for that, I haven't wanted it, it just comes natural for him to lead and get the job done. So this year I decided the other boys needed to start stepping up to the plate more, but I knew this wasn't going to happen unless Scott stepped back. When I need help now around here with something I often say, "Okay, I need anyone but Scott to help me with such and such!" 
I know if I don't say this Scott will be by my side before I can blink and have the job completed. It's been good for the others - they've come to realize how much they are needed as apart of the team when Scott can't just come in and take care of it all. At the same time, for years, he's demonstrated for all of them what it means to serve and step up to the plate and they are following in his footsteps.
Scott turned thirteen Tuesday. 13 years ago he was born on Fathers' Day about 9:45 at night after a short labor and completely no complications delivery in our one bedroom condo - midwife, her assistant and Robert there for delivery. A couple of hours of intense labor seemed nothing compared to the nine months of all day throwing up and sleepless nights I'd experienced. We did not find out his gender before hand and I will never forget how cool it was to hear for the first time that very night, "It's a boy!"
Tuesday night Robert and I took Scott out for his special birthday date. He said he wanted to find a place to eat that served good mahi-mahi fish, so a seafood restaurant is was! We went shopping for some much needed tennis shoes for him (he is now a half a size under his dad). He has always enjoyed shopping for clothes ~ even on his 3rd birthday I asked him what he wanted to do and he said, "I want to go to Old Navy and shop for an orange shirt."
The three of us went to a movie at the IMAX down town and then went for dessert at BJ's - where he ordered their very berry pizookie with chocolate icecream. We didn't get home until nearly 11:30 that night.
Robert and I had such an awesome time with him - it seemed more like going out with a really great friend than our child. We had so much fun talking to him - ha, and listening to Scott! He is a big talker and he knows more about stuff than we do it seems because he remembers so much of what he sees, hears, and reads! We learn something new all the time from him.
 
I am excited to see what God has in store for Scott this year. He will be facing changes, new challenges, having to grow up in ways he hasn't before. In a lot of ways I see this year as the beginning of me as a mom letting him go. I don't want a mama's boy. At the same time, this is hard.
But he is becoming a man and me treating him the same as I did when he was younger, isn't going to help him be the man he needs to become. I want him to be free to become the man he needs to become without my mama emotions getting in the way.
I know how much he loves me and wants to please me - I have no doubt - but I pray and hope I will never use this to make him who I want him to be.
I believe he needs more of a man's influence now then me the mom. I'm not stepping out all together, nope, not yet, but I do believe it's time for things to start to change up a bit and he needs to know my view of him is different. He needs to know I respect him as a person. He needs to know I trust him to make decisions instead of making them all for him. He needs me to view him as a young man, not a child.
He needs a mom who is not controlling, or emotionally needy for his companionship, one who is secure in her relationship with his dad. He needs a mom who trusts Jesus with him and understands God loves him even more than she does.
I pray for guidance as we enter this unknown territory of teenhood. I don't dread it. In fact, I look forward to it. Just like when I birthed him and everything was unknown - it was an adventure and it was exciting. So it is now.
So yes, in a nostalgic, wistful sort of way I guess I could say I miss the "little" years - but really, I never desired for Scott to stay little. I have enjoyed each year along the way and I don't intend to stop enjoying each one from here on out -- in fact, I hope as I continue to grow and mature as a mom, that I learn to enjoy each season all the more. Each has it's challenges, tests, trials - and each I know will have it's joys, triumphs, and excitements.
Yea! for this new season ~
 
A. Ann~ |
| | Posted 6/24/2011 3:39 PM - 1106 Views
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