| | It's started. Organized sports. I've missed it the last month and a half and what have I missed? Well, if my boys aren't playing a sport they don't go to bed early. In fact, it's amazing if their room is hushed by midnight. Oh, the lack of discipline some might say? Well, then so it is.
There are four boys in a room and basically on one large queen mattress. We can still do all four boys on one mattress if everyone sleeps sideways. . . plus, Shelton sleep walks so much still that he never ends up in his room in the morning anyway. We don't do beds because bedposts and anything of the such around mattresses where lots of boys live has historically been proven at our house to cause head injuries and expensive ER visits.
"Four little monkeys jumpin' on the bed, one fell off and broke his. . . " you know the song.
We have fun at our house. We kind of have a bed time.
We use to be pretty strict about it when we started being parents. We did a lot of things at the beginning. We read the books. We thought everyone who said they knew about parenting would be smarter than us about knowing what our kids needed. We thought those who had been parents for along time must have all the facts.
Wow. We were beginners takin' it all in from the "pros." I even did the strict feeding stuff with my first baby. Second baby I did half scheduling and half flexibility - what that means is you try doing the strict feeding but let's be realistic here, I had a toddler to take care of then too so scheduling kind of went out the window. People, don't fool yourself, you won't ruin a baby or kid if you don't do all the little things just so.
Third baby I threw out the whole schedule feedings. I had three in about three years and I was just keeping my head hardly above water. You know what? It made no difference. All slept well at night by 8 weeks. Guess that's why we kept having more? All were peaceful and happy . . . and highly energetic.
I tried three different systems, three different books - ha, all with the same result. So now I'm not a system person obviously. I don't preach systems. I typically chunk them.
Including bedtimes. We haven't completely lost vision, promise. We didn't throw the baby out with the bath water. We just enjoy the baby more than the bath water now.
A lot of times we can get so involved in some system of child rearing that we forget our little kiddos aren't projects, but people. The end result of our parenting is not to make sure they make us look good in church, or somehow make us a "success." Our children are hearts and souls who need relationship without us checking off a check list or matching them to books, seminars and people who tell us how it all should be done.
They are all different. Discipline is good. It has benefits. It's good for children to know there are boundaries, goals, direction, vision. That you are the mom, not them - which by the way, that does come to an end too - there really is an age you must claim they are an adult and you need to step OUT. And that's not age 30.
But there is more to parenting then teaching little 12 month olds to sit on a blanket and play quietly for an hour. More to making sure they can sit through the church service at a young age so that you can be praised as a spiritual parent. There is more to parenting then making sure your little one somehow sleeps through the night be a certain age or is potty trained before they turn two, sign languages please by the time they are six months and can read by the time they are three.
Now, granted some folks have kids who do all the above. Some of my kids did a few of those things too, despite me ha! But it won't make them better adults. It won't make them better teenagers. And if your kid is perfect, they can't play with mine LOL!
'Cause I'm not after kids with perfection. I'm after kids who know they have a need for Jesus and have witnessed the failures of their mom and dad and watched their parents humble themselves and be honest with their need for a Savior as well.
God doesn't call us to be parents who have it all together. He calls us to be parents who humbly confess we don't, but we know where to go to find the source of our power in life: Jesus Christ. That's the bottom line to parenting - relationship with God, drawing near and holding fast to our Guide and Savior.
Our kids will know the difference. They will know whether we worship ourselves and thus carve on them to make them what we want them to be (just like in the Old Testament when an idol was carved because the children of Israel didn't believe God was enough).
And they will know whether we love them more, or the bedtime schedule. Whether we love them more, or making sure they don't make us look bad on the basketball team. Whether we love them, or being that perfect parent who does it all "right."
If a child is loved, loved for who they are and not what they can do or be for us, they will know it. No matter what system we have or select, if our heart is idolatrous towards our kids, it's not going to work in the long run.
:)
All that to say - we put the kids in bed generally around 8 to 9pm. Give or take a little and depending on the sports season and depending on the week and depending on the sun going down, depending on how late I get supper on the table and showers are done and the Bible has been read and teeth have been brushed. Ok, you get the point. Robert calls us flexibly organized. Whatever that means.
It works for us. So the boys are in the their room and the light is off, but trust me, if they aren't playing a sport that season they will stay up and sing and sing, talk, talk, talk, talk. . . I grew up believing girls were the talkers. It's not the case at our house. Not at all.
My girls get in bed. They are quiet. They snuggle down. They have their bedtime story, little song about being God's little lamb, a prayer and I give them a few minutes and I peek in and they are all sweetly sleeping.
Not so with the boys. It seems there is constant fires in that room. Constant emergencies. Constant excuses, though not disrespectful) why it's so hard to go to sleep. It's hot. No, it's cold. It's too crowded or so and so doesn't like me because he is sleeping so far away. So and so tackled so and so and the wrestling match is now at US Olympic level. Then there are nights where they can't stop laughing. It's jr. high humor now and as much as I thought I would never tolerate that type of stuff. . .
Ha.
But sometimes it's just funny - or maybe I've digressed in my older age! It's gotten to the point most nights where the smell in their room is so great I have to hold my nose, peek my head in and blow kisses from the door. It's mostly smelly shoes - with a host of other smells. Honestly, just upfront about it, no one told me that to have boys meant purchasing a high quality gas mask.
One night I walked in to say goodnight with a clothes pin on my nose. I acted like it wasn't there, talked with them, kissed them goodnight, rubbed their backs. The boys thought it was hilarious.
There is a sign that Shelton put up in their room and it says, "The Man Cave." And that is what it is. I will venture in as long as I can, even if it means wearing a clothes pin to survive.
I adore seasonal sports. I bring them home, they go to bed. They actually fall asleep. Yes, there is a element I really enjoy about their all night stay ups of talking, laughing, joking, and story telling. . . but there is also something amazing about walking in to their bedroom by 10pm and not one boy is giving me a reason why he just has too much energy to fall asleep.
Yeah for boys. Yeah for sports. Yeah for their abundant energy. Yeah for bedtime. One day all too soon "The Man Cave" won't be. Maybe I'll still have that sign and I'll put it up somewhere for reminders. . . and I'll miss the smell of jr. high boys because that's them right now and I love everything about them.
Let the basketball begin!
A. Ann |
| | Posted 1/7/2011 10:27 AM - 2636 Views - 42 eProps - 32 comments
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