| ||It's nap time here at our house for little ones. Shelton is making planes out of sticks he's carved. Christian is playing with a small lizard he caught and has named Geico. Morgan and Scott are playing chess and planning on making milk shakes here in a bit. Bub is being Bub and sitting on my lap. |
It's raining outside today and the noise from the AC window unit is peaceful sounding and wanting to put me to sleep with the little ones. But I will write instead...
"...Changing your hair gives you a chance to not be defined by outward appearance...I know it seems like it zeroes in on the outward, but for me, I find when I change my hair, it forces me to no longer "hide" behind it as a part of my identity and to really focus on who I am at my core. It started when at 16, and had to have my head shaved because of my autumobile accident...after my initial insecurity about it (I had ALWAYS had long hair and now it was all gone)...I learned to step into my own identity apart from how I looked on the outside and found a freedom I hadn't known before..."
I received this yesterday from a friend and I believe it is profound.
It was what the Lord was showing me through the situation and I was so blessed to read these words. It was confirmation ~ exactly what I knew to be true and what I believe.
Stepping into my own identity apart from how I look on the outside is key ~ and here's the real key: My identity is in Jesus Christ. I know there is freedom in this! This hair is just another opportunity to walk it. This is just one more opportunity to not "hide."
The color might not have been what I went in to get. But I believe that God doesn't leave His throne for a single second, and what happened isn't an accident in His book.
I think it's taken me a long time to not judge myself through other people's eyes. If you've experienced a lot of judgment in your life, you know what I'm talking about. You begin to live your life, if you're not careful, looking at yourself through other people's eyes.
This can go two ways. You can think better of yourself then you ought, because people think better of you than what is reality! Or you can think ill of yourself when you ought not. I long to live my life driven not in one ditch or the other. That's my goal and if this color hair is apart of reaching that goal, then yeah for purple, red and black!
It goes back to FEAR:
I took the children to three different sporting events yesterday. Each time I had the opportunity to put fear of what people would think behind me and find my identity not in what I looked like, or even felt like, but who I am in Christ.
Honestly, I didn't start off so strong. I went out the door with Scott's NIKE white ball cap on, hair in pony-tail, hoping the drastic hair change wouldn't be so noticeable and my reddish glow would be hidden under my very soccer mom look.
Christian's coach's first words were, "I didn't even notice you at first with your hair change!"
Well, if the hat wasn't helping, I sure wasn't going to wear it just because I thought it would!
By mid-afternoon, God and I had worked through some things. And laughter was one of them!
At gymnastics a woman came up to me - a mother who I have only met once before - "Now are you the care-giver of all these blonde kids, or is the woman who was here last week?"
I smiled really big and started laughing, "Well, they're one in the same! I just had my hair done!"
"You look totally like a different person! The darker is just so much better!" she said.
I got such a laugh out of that one. And that was just the beginning. Watching people's responses became humorous. I worked through things and I really believe it was all about this identity thing for me. God knew I needed a refresher course in that area. I left the ball cap in the car the rest of the day.
And that's awesome to me. That He cares so much for me that He will bring me back to what really matters, even when I didn't know I'd forgotten.
I loved what a friend wrote me last night~
"...looking drastically different from the rest has its advantages, and one of them is that your freak feature ;D is a very easy ice-breaker for all those people who wring their hands over the idea of small talk..."
It's a wonderful thing to live in the freedom of not caring what others think. It brings true joy in the heart and that radiates brighter than purple-reddish hair. Ya know, the hair proved to be quite an ice-breaker yesterday. I had more mothers talk to me at gym and at track than I ever have. And it actually gave me confidence to speak too.
I would see a woman staring at me, not knowing what to say and I could just say, "Yeah, I know, different huh?" And smile. This gave me opportunity to do just exactly what my friend was talking about - breaking the ice with people who otherwise might not speak to me. I had some awesome conversations with mothers yesterday waiting for the children to finish gymnastics. I heard all sorts of hilarious hair tales and it's always wonderful to know you're not alone!
Speaking of the color, it's grown on me rather quick. I never had a problem with other's hair being this color, I just think the whole horrid four hour experience and coming out in something shockingly different than what I expected, kind of left me reeling.
I'm excited about the possibilities with the new hair! Honestly, I am a wacky right brain, creative, try new things, artsy, person and this could be fun! It wasn't who I am that was holding me back so much, as who I thought I was not.
I think a person can gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience that is unexpected. It's kind of, "God gave grace to live through that... I can take on the next thing that comes ~ He is with me."
I read a funny quote this morning - okay, it's not really funny, but it's true - it's just that everything seems rather funny to me today...
It says: "Never explain. Your friends don't require it. And your enemies won't believe you anyway."
Now isn't that the truth? I've found it such. I was talking to Robert about this very thing last night. Should I really have to explain to people why my hair is this color? Or can I just live my life and be free and enjoy the change - who cares if they thought I did it on purpose or it was an accident~!
Life is so much deeper and richer when we focus on what is eternal and let that which is merely temporal slide by the wayside.
The verse that has just been holding on to me today is this:
"...those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means, I desire mercy, and not sacrifice. For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners." Matt. 9:13
I have just been swimming in the refreshing and wonderful truth of this verse this morning. I want it to swallow me up. This verse gives me such hope, such peace and such excitement all at the same time. I see my insecurities and my sin, my walls I put up, my striving, my fear. How so not righteous! And to know, to believe, to think! That God came and died for people just like me.
To heal me, the sick.
To call me, the sinner.
Go and learn what this means, I desire mercy and not sacrifice.
Here are some of my favorite pictures from this month. I have not been doing client's photo shoots this month and every once in a while I miss that creative outlet. Morgan was outside swinging on the swing her brothers made her the other evening and I couldn't resist the lighting, the fun she was having, or the fact that half the time she didn't know I was taking pictures of her.
I had her take her hair thing out for a few last shots as the sun was setting ~ there was a butterfly that was flying over her the whole time and several times it would land on her! It would land on her head and I wanted to get that picture so bad, but everytime it would land, she would get so tickled and then it would take off... so, no butterfly pic, but I love these of her that night.
| ||Posted 6/29/2010 2:18 PM - 1120 Views|