| | Tonight we were walking around a small fair. There was a ferris wheel and other kiddy rides. The sun was setting and the lights began to turn on the rides and it felt kind of magical. The humid air felt good.
Just for the record tonight, I don't feel old enough to have an almost twelve year old. He especially looked older than I remember him looking before. One thing I love about Scott is that he finds delight in doing whatever makes his younger siblings happy. Tonight was one of those times.
Scott's roots have darkened the last few years and his baby blonde was slowly disappearing. With his last haircut during basketball season, I was shocked to find my son was not blonde nearly at all anymore! And it has grown back in, brown as brown as if to say quite clearly to his mama, "I'm not a baby anymore." I still kind of look at him at times and think, "Is that brown headed one mine?" just because I am not use to it. I sure do like it though, despite that it makes him look all grown up and so much older than the rest.
So at the fair... each ride was a ticket. Each ticket was $3.50 (plus tax). That's good and all if say, you have about two kids... and each kid maybe rides a few rides each. Not blaming them, but they don't price these type of things out too well for big families!
Today was Bubbie's 5th birthday though (more on that later) and we came to ride some rides and the children had an awesome time. I think my favorite part was when the oldest six paired up and went on the hot air balloon ride that went round and round and up and down. It was dark by then and the lights were all different colors and it seemed kind of surreal.
They were laughing and talking to each other, waving and smiling. Morgan's long hair was flying in the breeze and the expression on Brighton's face was priceless. Scott had paired up with Morgan and Shelton with Brighton - each brother taking care of his little sister, making sure she wasn't afraid and kept her seatbelt on. Christian and Bubbie were in one together. They were acting very much like two . . . two boys.
Robert and I stood hand in hand looking on, Lakelyn in the stroller beside us, looking wide eyed at the movement and the lights. It's hard to explain but in those minutes tonight, there was this very nostalgic feeling. Maybe that's not the word. But it was just one of those moments in time I wish I could freeze. No picture could have frozen it like it really was.
And then the ride ended and the children came bounding through the exit gate, elated and all talking at once. I was excited for them and I touched different one's heads and grabbed little one's hands and smiled and asked them what they thought about the ride.
I sit here in bed and I wonder - I wonder if God feels like I do as a parent. Could He, my Heavenly Father, possibly love me as much as I love my children? Does He delight in me like I delight in them? What I know is that He loves and delights in me far more. He has a perfect love, an unending delight, something I do not have.
I can't wrap my heart around that kind of love, really. I want to though. I know His love never changes. It doesn't go back and forth depending on my behavior, my works, my devotion even. As His child, I am loved with an everlasting love that never lets go.
But He goes further than just love - He DELIGHTS in me. That truth right there is so amazing to me!
I am not worthy of His delight - I praise God His delight doesn't depend on that.
I want to be like Him, so that I can do the same to my children like He does to His children: Truly Delight. Truly Love.
Zephaniah 3:17: “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness.”
Psalm 147:11: “The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love.”
Psalm 18:19: "...[God] rescued me because he delighted in me."
Gladness, pleasure, delight.
Imperfect as I am, I want my children to know that I delight in them. Oh how much more does God, my Heavenly Father, want me to know how much He delights in me!
And He intends that I be transformed by this awareness.
My children need to know I not only love them, but delight in them. I think if I am looking for transformation in the hearts of my children, that they might understand God's love and be able to give that love to others, they must first know and see in word and action that I delight in them.
a. ann~ |
| | Posted 5/14/2010 11:20 PM - 682 Views
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