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I have been up now for a few hours and I think it's about 7:45am. The sun is getting brighter as I type. Babies have been up and back down now - catching just a bit more sleep. The boys are still in bed.
As I woke and lay there in bed I had an overwhelming sense that I have so very little to offer this day to my children. To anyone. Tired, worn down, just kind of clinging to a thread of, well of whatever. I don't know that it's actually always the Lord I am clinging to.
Sometimes, sick as it seems to me to write, I think I might just cling to myself. And honestly, that doesn't work too well for too long. Goodness, what a lack of stability.
And then Deliverance comes in. A much higher Power - I once again come to the revelation that He is clinging to me. He never lets go. He also delights in me as His daughter.
That right there never ceases to amaze me. How He could delight in me? He doesn't merely "put up" with me. He delights. He paid a measureless price to cleanse me of all sin and gave His own perfect righteousness as a gift.
He doesn't just put up with me, endure or tolerate me. Jesus says that "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you." (Jn. 15:9) What love!
Here is what just floors me - this love is not based upon what I have done, or how good I am clinging to Him, or on my goodness. But completely upon what God my Father is and has done through Jesus Christ.
I cannot add anything to that by my own strength and effort and goodness or morality. Nor can I subtract it by my failure.
This is forever settled.
Do I believe that? Do I live as though I believe that?
Or am I striving to live a certain way so that He will love me? No, His love is already. I live a certain way because I love Him.
"You are forgiving and good, Oh Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you!" Ps. 86:5
"Have you ever noticed that when you are with people who accept you, you are free? You like being with them, and it's easy to love them. So it should be with the heavenly Father. Approach Him with anticipation and the glad assurance of His measureless, endless love..." (Fellowship With God, J. White.)
!
If you have experienced rejection from others - love that is conditioned - condemnation because you didn't live up to what someone might have thought you should - it's sometimes hard to believe that God's love could be different than that. Especially if those who have "loved" you in this way hold the name of Christ.
My feelings pretty much have very little to do with what is real and true. God IS present, attentive, and waiting for me in love this very morning! This very hour. No matter my failures, my feelings. He accepts me, He wants to fellowship with me. He has removed my transgression as far as east it from west - as far as one scarred hand to the other.
I can come to Him. I can be filled by Him. I can be delivered this very morning from my own feelings, my own weaknesses and through Him, be able to pour out unconditional and true love upon the children that need me today.
Loving them not based on their behavior, their goodness, or failures. Loving them as the Father loves me.
I wonder what this day will be like if I live according to the wonderful truth that HE delights in me. . .
a. ann~ |
| | Posted 7/14/2009 8:00 AM - 861 Views - 46 eProps - 24 comments
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