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"Just because the path is bumpy, doesn't mean you're on the wrong road."
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"There isn't one part of your life that isn't under God's control."
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"...the Bible says to examine ourselves, and we're all sitting around examining everyone else to see if they're doing things the way we think they should with very little thought about whether our hearts are pure before God... somehow we think we're okay, better then they are, but we're not."
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"...Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand, if they finally face the truth. Release them. Move on. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time..."
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My ears heard these words this past weekend. . . among many, many other words of course. These are the things that stood out to me -
In my moment of ease right now, sitting here at my desk this Sunday evening, what is deepest in my heart surfaces to glare me in the face. No it's not quiet, but it's peaceful right now. And Robert is reading to some of the children while three are playing tackle here near me, Lakelyn is almost waking to eat. . . ~
The first line about "just because the path is bumpy doesn't mean you're on the wrong road" I heard on the radio as I was driving down the road the other day.
It spoke to me such truth that my right hand, not on the stirring wheel, blindlessly searched for a pen in my crazy big green purse and jotted it down on the back of a receipt sticking out of the side pocket.
And though the receipt got tossed out over the weekend, the words didn't toss.
Life is bumpy. That's reality.
But when life gets bumpy, because it does, does that mean we're not on the right road?
What about when it comes to marriage? When it gets tough, does that mean we find a new path, that we're on the wrong road?
What about the kiddos? When it gets tough does that mean we put them aside and chase our own desires, hobbies, a new dream?
~ ~ ~
I was on a really bumpy road once. Literally. We were up in Big Bear, California. Way awesome place to be. Incredible, especially in the fall. And it was the fall season.
I was still living at home. Just barely. In less than a year I would marry, though I didn't know it at the time. Robert was with my family. We were friends. Yep, just friends. At least on my end. But things would change for me pretty much that week. I fell in love.
Okay, I'm getting away from my original reason for remembering the bumpy road...
Dad likes adventure. And if he could create it for us, without spending much money, all the better I guess. We were trying to get from A to B. And dad thought he spotted a short cut - the "scenic route." And it was that: scenic.
I think he thought the scenic route would also be a quicker route. And it might have been had we had a monster truck or four wheel drive or better yet, an airplane. And I think the truth might be, that by milage, the scenic route was the shorter route... minus the bumps in the road.
But since we had the family car, a Mazda MPV (mini van of the 90's) what was suppose to be a nice scenic short cut ended up being the L-o-N-g, untraveled, large crater holed dirt (um, rock.) road to Big Bear Lake.
(For the record, The Mazda was never the same after that day.)
Here's what I remember about that bumpy road. . . and life is kind of like that:
-The road didn't start out so bumpy.
-But then it got more and more and more...
-We kept thinking we were nearing the end of bumpy-ness, but then it would only seem to be non-bumpy for a bit, then return bumpy.
-The car was taking a real beating! About half way, it seemed it would fall apart.
-We couldn't turn around. We could only just keep moving forward.
-At one point, the road got so bumpy it even seemed to cease to be a road at all. The bumps hurt. We were sore.
-'Bout the time it got the worst, at the next turn is when it started getting better.
-The road seemed so long, but really it probably wasn't so long.
-We wondered if it had an end. It did, it just wasn't when we thought it should be.
-It did end up at the beautiful glistening Big Bear Lake.
-It is one of the few roads I remember traveling on. And one of the fewer roads I will probably ever write about.
The bumpy road WAS the right road. It did go to where it said. It was indeed a road. It wasn't obviously one people preferred to travel. We were the only ones on it. But ~
It proved for sure to leave a lasting impression on all of us who rode on it. Was it a good impression? Not at the time we were traveling. It was long and dusty and seemed a waste of time when there was an easier route to take. Years later we can all smile about that afternoon on the seemingly endless bumpy road. In fact, it's a grand family adventure that we laugh about and consider one of the "good ol' times."
The point being, and as all such analogies, it kind of breaks apart about now... but as I sit here and remember that bumpy road:
I think it's easy for me to think that if things are rough, bumpy, that there must be an immediate exit that I can take. It must be the wrong road, the destination doesn't seem clear. The ride is not one I want to take. How about the smooth road?
How did I end up on this bumpy path, road, WHATEVER in the first place?! ~
But that moves me to the next thing I keep thinking about that I heard this weekend. Not a new thing. Just something I need constant reminder of, and actually, something that brings great comfort to me in my life:
Nothing is outside of God's control. Even bumpy roads.
I am quite sure that if life was all about cruizin' through, I for one would never have seen my need for a Savior, Jesus Christ. I would never have needed a reason to learn to love, or forgive, or do anything outside of myself. And what a useless life that would be: self-life. Self-life is bound to fail.
Bumpy paths, those not so smooth roads - they are given so that I can have an eternal perspective. Instead of an earthly perspective. So I can see things the way God sees them~
. . .Then there was that bit I heard about examining ourselves instead of looking about, checking out everyone else and making sure, wondering if they are living up to par in the Christian walk. Our pastor mentioned this one.
When I heard these words about examining, I immediately thought of a man I know who has spent so many hours.days.years examining the outfits of every woman he meets or sees or is around to make sure they're "modest," making lists of who wore what when and why it wasn't quite appropriate... oh goodness, I could go on... so much through the years has been put into this pre-occupation of being the modesty police, that self-examination was completely put on the sidelines.
My mind got pre-occupied about this right there in the sermon. I started thinking about how wrong he is. I was examining him for examining everyone but himself. How quickly I can move from a pleasant wisdom gatherer to complete hypocrite.
Sadly, when this happens to any of us - being consumed with what others are doing, or not doing, instead of consumed with Jesus and living for HIM ourselves, in our own lives, relationships suffer greatly.
Love evaporates, and division ensues. Because as long as we are looking at others, pointing a finger -- there's that saying that we've all heard before about one finger pointing out, then there are how many fingers pointing back at us?
Simply answered by one of my sons: "More."
Somehow we just can't believe this. Somehow when we see something so "obviously" wrong with someone else, we can't seem to possibly believe we could be "worse" - or that we could be wrong, or that we are full of darkness in our judging hearts. That pride is something that God hates...
And as my mind was thinking about these folks who breathe each day to examine others. . . I was examining them for examining. Isn't sin tricky? Isn't pride easy to let back in? Isn't it true that we would find much more spiritual rest and peace if we would focus on the Lord, and our own heart before Him?
Wouldn't I know how to love others purely if my mind was "set on those things above and not on those things that are on earth... for you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God..." ~
Which brings me to the fourth thing I heard this past weekend: forgiveness. I've mentioned that word before in writing. Had many discussions with myself about it. Many discussions with God too. More than enough discussions with others as well.
So what if I've/you've been the one wrongly examined? What if the "bumpy" in my road has been by very difficult/hurtful relationships/people? Where does forgiveness come in? And do I realize that these things, people, are under the Lord's watchful eye, and under His control?
Sincere Forgiveness. Not just a "oh, I forgive..." But a forgiveness not colored by ANY expectation! Wow! That must be God's kind of forgiveness!
A forgiveness not colored with "So now I'd like to see you change." Or even, "So when will you even realize you did wrong!!" Or how about "They could at least say they are sorry and mean it, right?"
The Lord talks about a forgiveness that doesn't expect anything in return. A forgiveness where the other party doesn't see the truth, or may not even believe the truth, or refuses to acknowledge the truth! And yet, you forgive.
(now I'm not talking about a "forgiveness" that blindly walks back into abusive, destructive, or unwise relationships - see past posts on forgiveness for more on that...)
I'm talking about a forgiveness that releases, moves on with freedom - with a heart of peace, free from revenge, and a heart of prayer for that person. A genuine heart of love - to see God work in their lives in His timing and His way.
Letting go of expectations.
I'm hardly one to write on forgiveness. It's never been my strong point - more like one of my many weak points. Some folks are easier to forgive than others and it's easy for me to think I'm a very forgiving person when it comes to those lovely people in my life who are easy to forgive! Like those sincere people, those who have genuinely showed love in my life.
But what about the hard ones? Not the guy who cut me off in the fourth lane coming up the highway who I'll never see again. Things like that don't phase me. I'm talking about those who repeatedly injure hearts - who stay in our lives, or who were in our lives for a long enough time to bring a very good sore spot.
I have had expectations when it comes to forgiveness and so when I heard these words this past weekend, my heart connected with them.
I can forgive - with the power of the Holy Spirit that lives within me. Now, granted, forgiveness isn't always a one time thing -- I find I forgive something like maybe 70 times 7? or more. "My flesh and my heart may fail, but HE is the strength of my life forever..." It is through Him that I forgive with a sincere heart without expectations.
I have often asked myself, "Well then, what does forgiveness LOOK LIKE?" I want to know steps, a bam, bam, bam - and there you have it. Forgiveness is done. I want it to be simple. Easy. Done with. Always find my heart so full of forgiveness.
But it's not that way. And that's part of the "bumps in my path." It's difficult to forgive, it's a bumpy path at times, but it's the RIGHT ROAD and I must keep keeping on. Keep forgiving when there is no change on the other side, no humility reimbursed, no truth acknowledged. Keep finding my all in Jesus Christ, my expectation in Him alone.~
I laugh, as I've just realized that one might read the above and think, "Man, she sure went through some rough stuff this past weekend to be writing about this kind of heaviness! Bumpy life, God in control, judging and forgiveness!"
When in actuality I didn't. It was actually a rather less bumpy ride than other weekends in my life, other years of my life. I wouldn't say I was cruising, but I didn't face some of the giants that this post might lead one to believe.
Rather, when something I've heard doesn't leave, I know it came to my ears, and the ears of my heart, for a purpose. It might be in preparation for some bumps coming up in the path this week. It might be just a reminder of what He has done in the past and what He wants me to continue to work through and work on even now. It might be that He wants me to dig deeper in my walk with Him. It might be for reasons I can't guess right now.
But for whatever reason, I want to take what He sends my way to heart. I have so much to learn. I know this life is a journey of discovery, and well at least for me, one of often re-discovery. A re-learning, a re-remembering, a re-birthing of a seed planted maybe before, but needing more water to become fruit in my life.
*I don't want to resist the path God has me on just because it's bumpy. But "let us run with endurance the race that is set before us..." and "for in this tent (body), we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling..." May the "bumps" tilt my face upward to view Christ in a new and glorious way.
*When I cease to trust and rest, is when I fail to live as I say I believe: that God is in control.
"A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."
"And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
I love what it says in Gen. 50 where Joseph says to his brothers, "Do not be afraid, for am I in God's place? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive."
In Isaiah 45, verse 7 it says: "I create light and make the darkness, I send good times and bad times. I, the LORD, am the one who does these things."
A great evidence of God’s control in my life has been His grace in the middle of chaos. I can trust HIM in all things.
*Self-examination and not judging others - His approval should be my only concern. When I am fully trusting God, His approval becomes my highest priority. I keep myself from the sin of judging others not because it just violates a rule of God's but just like any sin, it violates a RELATIONSHIP. My relationship with Jesus Christ, first off, and violates a relationship with that person.
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."
I find it interesting that we think we can remove a plank on our own, or for that matter that we are ever without a plank in our own eye so that we are then able to remove the speck from another. How readily we want to remove specks from others, and how blind we are to planks in our own eyes.
If I got serious about removing the planks in my eye - I don't think there would be a bit of time to remove specks in other's. Ever.
*Forgiveness without expectations. Even if the insult or pain inflicted is caused by a dagger slammed right into your back by someone you love and trust. "Pay attention, O Israel, for you are my servant. I, the LORD, made you, and I will not forget to help you. I have swept away your sins like the morning mists. I have scattered your offenses like the clouds. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free..." Is. 44
He has not forgotten me. He has swept away my sins! He has paid the price to set me free. I can forgive because I am free indeed!
a. ann~
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